stepmama metamorphoses

Reading your post really hits home, stepfamily lif...

2009-11-09T12:48:37.230-05:00

Reading your post really hits home, stepfamily life is never easy and I understand your feelings of anger, hurt, and resentment. Those feelings are completely just but as previous comments have said, this anger you have is hurting you the most. It is not easy to let go, I am still working on my end as well but in time her new found niceness will still be around and you will trust that behavior more. My PEG has started acting super nice as well, with no major change other then her having surgery and it pisses me off we should suddenly just roll with it because she finally decided to get with the program. Its really hard to complete let go of the past, of the rudeness. It sucks, even if it was what you had hoped for, it does not make it easy.

So sorry you are going through all of this, glad you are able to get away and be with your family. Even though it is on sad terms I think it is exactly what you needed.

Keep us posted.

I go through these feelings too, fairly often. An...

2009-11-08T20:31:43.033-05:00

I go through these feelings too, fairly often. And I ponder leaving my life sometimes. But then I know the pain I would feel from being separated from the kids, who I love so very much.
I don't know the answer, other than as other posters have said, maybe it is to just heal ourselves and not expect anything from anyone. But Hubby's and Kings aren't just anyone, we should expect from them. They should appreciate what we do to make their raising of the children easier, they should understand that it's hard to be in the place where you have no rights in anyone's eyes and yet you are doing all you can for those people. I don't know how to not get hurt by their lack of appreciation, but I know that I too have to find a way.
Take this time for you and peanut, and spend it with your family celebrating your aunt and try not to think about all the stuff back home for now.

I keep hearing the same advice rolling around in m...

2009-11-06T14:12:09.986-05:00

I keep hearing the same advice rolling around in my head -- the only person you can change is yourself, the only person you can change is yourself...

Easy to say. Nearly eight years have gone by. Almost every time I meet with my therapist she reminds me, the only person I can change is myself.

So I'm slowly letting go of the expectation that any wrongs I feel have been done to me will ever be acknowledged by the wrong-doers. And those wrongs will continue to happen. And there's nothing I can do about it except to change how I react to it. Because the only person I can change is myself...

ugh.

be safe.

Perhaps losing a child has softened voldy to the p...

2009-11-06T14:05:22.857-05:00

Perhaps losing a child has softened voldy to the point where she's willing to listen and reevaluate the situation. Who knows if this is a permanent change, but at least she is trying to play nice for the moment. Peace is a rare commodity in stepfamilies, and even if you never get that much-deserved apology, it's beneficial for everyone involved if voldy is being cooperative. Don't twist the situation around and make King into a villain - he is just as tired of voldy's shit as you are. Can you blame him for wanting some peace? Finally?

You and King recognize the amazing impact you have made on raising buttercup. You don't need voldy's acknowledgement to be a good stepmom.

I agree with Aunt Juicebox - harboring these hard feelings for voldy is hurting you more than it's hurting her. You need to forgive and let it go.

I'm so sorry to hear this news. I know it has been...

2009-11-06T14:01:43.129-05:00

I'm so sorry to hear this news. I know it has been a couple days since you posted this, so I hope your travels are already in progress. Be safe and be well.

Wow, before I clicked on your comments, I thought ...

2009-11-06T13:55:47.289-05:00

Wow, before I clicked on your comments, I thought "no, thank you!" and then I saw that everyone else had written the same. I guess that's a pretty cool community, huh? Thank you.

Maybe it's time to have another talk with Voldy yo...

2009-11-06T13:35:50.707-05:00

Maybe it's time to have another talk with Voldy yourself. It seems a little unbelievable that she would suddenly want you to be part of the "family", but death changes people, especially the death of a child. You may never get the apology you are hoping for, but that doesn't mean that you can't move on, and enjoy a more cooperative Voldy, as long as you are treated respectfully by her from now on. Holding onto negative feelings is hurting you more than it is her.

Have a safe trip. I'm sorry you have so much to deal with right now.

I'm not married yet and I too have felt these frus...

2009-11-06T12:27:49.462-05:00

I'm not married yet and I too have felt these frustrations. Although it's only been a year granted, I've needed to step away a couple of times. I wish I could give you some great answer, but in the end it's up to do what you will do. No one can force Voldy to apologize or to even fake apologize. And would you even want a fake apology? Has the King acknowledged this injustice toward you? Could part of the problem be that he hasn't acknowledged it either. Maybe he needs to apologize too.

I hope that you find some clarity and are able to celebrate your aunts life despite the crappyness going on right now. Take Care!

I don't know if this helps, but I (almost) regular...

2009-11-06T11:35:36.588-05:00

I don't know if this helps, but I (almost) regularly contemplate leaving my steplife for very similar reasons as yours. My husband cried on my shoulder during his divorce, asked me not to get mad or raise a fuss when his ex-wife didn't want me to have anything to do with the children, lied to the school district about my existence to make his ex-wife happy at kindergarten registration and now travels the world for work 100% of the time leaving me to raise his kids. When he calls and takes his anger out on me for things that are out of my control it takes everything inside of me to not pack up a bag and get the hell out of dodge.

Good for you for getting yourself out of the picture for a bit. Get some fresh perspective and send us all a postcard from your fabulous location :-) And most of all, take care of yourself first. Because if you don't, no one else will.

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you and your famil...

2009-11-06T02:49:37.495-05:00

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family will be able to celebrate her life and remember the good times and not get sucked into the darkness of it.

If you're ever in California for a good purpose hit me up. :)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care and have a s...

2009-11-05T10:31:20.564-05:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care and have a safe trip travelling to see your loved ones at this difficult time. I am sure you will be a tremendous support to them. - G

So sorry for you and your family. What a tough tim...

2009-11-05T09:56:17.567-05:00

So sorry for you and your family. What a tough time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...

I'm sorry for your loss. ~hugs~

2009-11-05T09:40:53.000-05:00

I'm sorry for your loss. ~hugs~

I am sorry to hear this - have a safe trip....

2009-11-04T17:37:05.393-05:00

I am sorry to hear this - have a safe trip....

So sorry about your loss. We'll be thinking of you...

2009-11-04T16:35:12.494-05:00

So sorry about your loss. We'll be thinking of you.

I'm so sorry!

2009-11-04T15:58:02.892-05:00

I'm so sorry!

Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

2009-11-04T15:49:13.307-05:00

Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

I'm so sorry. :(

2009-11-04T15:04:12.506-05:00

I'm so sorry. :(

I could not agree more! I love our community and I...

2009-11-04T11:52:50.110-05:00

I could not agree more! I love our community and I swear it has kept me mentally sane throughout the saga that is now my life. I never imagined writing a blog, and reading others would be as helpful as it is, but everyday I feel a little bit stronger, wiser, and a lot happier. Thank you Thank you!

I had a coworker whose family all got pinworms, sh...

2009-11-04T09:01:53.249-05:00

I had a coworker whose family all got pinworms, she was mortified as well, I cannot imagine how grossed out you are, good thing is the medicine will kick in and all will be well.
So sorry about your aunt that is terrible news. I hope that there is little suffering and she moves on to a more peaceful place.
I feel like Voldemort just keeps taking advantage of her situation and is solely focusing on her family and not even thinking about yours. I am sure that is easy to do but its very frustrating, why does all of this keep cutting out your time? I would be pissed and angry as well.
Sounds like you have a lot going on, sorry you are having a rough time; I really hope it starts to turn around and venting helped you! We all have our dark days! Keep your head up and get rid of those pinworms! HUGS! :)

Pinworms. I gooogled it. Gross.

2009-11-03T23:40:16.021-05:00

Pinworms. I gooogled it. Gross.

My dear dragonfly: I'm Marnie Winston-Macauley, t...

2009-11-03T15:56:27.251-05:00

My dear dragonfly:
I'm Marnie Winston-Macauley, the author of A Little Joy, A Little Oy, and I wanted to thank you for your generous mention.

I would so appreciate your letting members and those on your mailing list know about my new calendars: Here's the "press" information. As a blog VIP, do contact Amy Worly at 1800 826 4216 for free copies!

1: THE BEST OF A LITTLE JOY, A LITTLE OY 2010 CALENDAR, by Marnie Winston-Macauley

2: THE 10: 2010 CALENDAR (not your ordinary lists!) by Marnie Winston-Macauley.

Both are on Amazon as well as other online and regular bookstores.

Thanks so ... and I'd love to "talk" with you more, asap. You can reach me at asksadie@aol.com.

You've beatifully described how I feel about this ...

2009-11-02T22:36:12.811-05:00

You've beatifully described how I feel about this SM community we have here. I can't imagine my life without it now! And thank you for all that you contribute to other women by sharing your experience too! - G

I agree, Thank you too! I know that this online c...

2009-11-02T14:45:38.385-05:00

I agree, Thank you too!

I know that this online community is the one thing that has kept me sane. I'm so thankful that I actually started blogging before I moved in with the boys.

NO - Thank YOU!!!

2009-11-02T13:56:53.484-05:00

NO - Thank YOU!!!